Equal But Different

The other day, a thought came into my mind: Is my third child more special because I gave birth to him naturally and the others through C-section? This question made me go down memory lane and explore my journey toward being a mother of three wonderful kids that I am now.

I remembered the day when my baby boy Uno was born. He didn’t exactly come out the way I wanted him to, but all was forgotten the moment I held him in my arms. Our song for him was How Did You Know. My favorite line there was, “How did you know I needed someone like you in my life.” Makes me cry whenever I sing that song.My first-born son

When my second child came into our lives, I was so happy that my eldest son Uno didn’t show any signs of sibling rivalry. It was just so natural for him to give way to his baby sister. Afterall, it had been five long years that he kept Mom and Dad focused on him. He was our world, so to speak. So when our daughter came, I didn’t have a hard time explaining to him that Mom will be spending more time with baby sister now. In fact, he totally adored his sister.

Kuya Uno and Alpha

But when my third child came, it was a different ball game. The two older siblings wanted Mommy’s time all together. They both wanted me to read books of their own choice, wanted me to listen to each of their stories, wanted me to take each of their sides when they quarrel. Add to the list a crying and hungry baby makes a crazy, tired Mommy. It was even harder when Val have to go to the US for a month for a business trip.

Honestly, sometimes I don’t know what to do anymore. It was especially hard when I didn’t have a yaya for two months after I gave birth. There were times when I have to choose which one I have to take care first, my two-year-old daughter who wants to do number two or my baby who wants milk. What do you think I did? Feed the baby in the CR while holding the hands of my daughter.

When everything gets crazy, screaming seems the best option most of the time to get the message across. There was this incident that I felt I dealt with Uno harshly just because I got so stressed with everything that was going on. Somehow I expect him to be more understanding because he is older. I sometimes forget that he is still a young child too in need of love and attention.

mommy lookalike

so grown up but still needs mommy’s love and attention

That night, I found myself crying and telling myself what a terrible mother I am. I opened up my heart to Uno and said sorry so many times. I told my husband about it, and he told me not to be too hard on myself. But that incident really struck me so hard of how much anger can actually allow you to do very harsh things even to your loved ones. It will always be reminder for me not to allow anger to take over me.

In the middle of all these hullabaloo, I somehow concluded that three kids is enough. My husband and I are outnumbered; hence it’s already a sign to stop baby production. However, two of my friends said that having three children is a no-no because it makes the middle child feel left out. I totally disagree.

My husband and I don’t play favorites. We love them all equally. I always tell myself that Uno will always be my firstborn, my champion. God gave him to us first so he will always have a special place in my heart.

Uno on his recognition day

On the other hand, my daughter Alpha also came to us in a special way. I really prayed for her, and I intended her to come—drank all the vitamins, did all the checkups, tallied my ovulating period—the works, just to get pregnant. And after five years, she finally came. I remembered being so jolly when I was conceiving her. That’s why her real name is Felicity, meaning joy or happiness.

ate alpha loves brother so much

With my latest masterpiece, Baby Super, he’s also special in a different way. For seven years, I’ve wanted to give birth naturally. I didn’t even know how it will happen, but he made it possible for me. It was an answered prayer.

my precious jewels

three peas in a pod

So you see, they are all special in equal but different ways. I love them all so much, and I know I am the kind of woman now because of them. They are my greatest teachers. Most of my aha moments happen just by staring at one of my children and be mesmerized by his/her beauty. My happiest moments when I really give out a hearty laugh are those when I watch my daughter dance in front of the TV as she imitates a character, or when I play with my sons. At the same time, Louise Hay, author of You Can Heal Your Life, also said that before they came into this world, babies choose their parents, and through these parents, the babies learn the lessons in life specifically designed for them. I pray that when they grow up, my kids will be able to say that they learned something good from me. For me, I think, passing on my values and experiences to my kids will be my legacy, starting with how I make each one of them feel special and unique in their own way.


About themilklady

a mother of 4 wonderful kids. a social entrepreneur. an advocate of natural childbirth, VBAC, and breast-feeding.
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4 Responses to Equal But Different

  1. Val Domingo says:

    I really admire you milklady for your love and commitment in raising up your kids and in supporting your husband in the business at the same time allowing yourself to grow in the process. Your life is and will be an inspiration to a lot of women who are not aware of how significant their role is in this world. I honor you for sharing to the world your message of unconditional love to yourself, your husband and your adorable children. You are loved!

    • themilklady says:

      Thanks, Daddy. I think courage really worked here–to write what is real and what I’m actually going through. Somehow I realized why there is a mommy and a daddy in a family. It really takes two to make it work. Can’t wait for you to come home soon:)

  2. Berns says:

    Where’s the LIKE button for the hubs’ comment above? 🙂
    Thank you, Cath, for sharing this to the world, with us, mothers alike. I could totally relate the sibling rivalry thing. My daughter adores her bro but is now constantly DEMANDING for attention. Almost every night when we get home from work, we remind her how much we love her and hug her to sleep. It’s different when you only have yayas left in the house, the explaining is twice as much difficult

    • themilklady says:

      Thanks, Berns. Reading comments like yours makes me all the more inspired to share my stories to the world. Let’s keep in touch and share tips on how to raise loving and well-rounded kids:)

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