I’ve never thought weaning Super, my eighteen-month-old baby, can be this hard. I’ve had sleepless nights for the past weeks because he just wouldn’t take no for an answer. It’s as if he transforms into a different baby even if I gently tell him, “Super, Mommy has no more milk already. Go back to sleep.” I offer him water instead because I know he’s not really hungry—he’s tummy is full—it’s really more out of a habit of sucking. Sometimes he says yes to my offer of water, but oftentimes he just cries aloud. He goes back to my side and, with his hands, searches for the source of his milk. I tell him to hold only but no more drinking. He agrees, but after unleashing my ribbons, he would slowly take a peek to see if I’m looking, then he would dive in. But I’m faster, so I close my nightshirt again. This makes a frustrated baby.
For the past months, I’ve only fed him once in the morning and once in the evening. But recently, I’ve decided to slowly take off the evening feeding. I have initially planned of exclusively breast-feeding him till he’s two years old. The reason for this is my husband and I have decided that he will be our bunso already. Also, since he’s my VBA2C baby, somehow I just want to have an extended bonding moment with him.
But my plans changed when I noticed that I’m in my prepregnancy body already. I’ve received comments that I’m payat, and to me, being payat is not very good. I would want to have some bits of fats here and there, but it seems that I lose my voluptuousness a few months after giving birth. My babies seem to manage sucking not only my milk but also my fats. To other mommies, it’s a blessing, but for me who wish to have a more voluptuous body, I find it a challenge to keep up with my dream body.
I tried to recall how I weaned my two older kids. With Uno, he also protested when I refused to give my breast for a couple of nights. My hubby was very supportive though. He was the one that slept beside my boy till he fell asleep. With my daughter, it wasn’t hard to wean her. At nights, I was already mix feeding her with a soya-based milk, so when I totally stopped on breast-feeding her, it was easy.
Now with Super, I find it a bit challenging. Maybe because he’s been breastfed longer than his two siblings; hence it’s longer to get off the habit. Even if I give him a bottle of soya milk before sleeping, he would still hold my breast for comfort. And if you’re tired and sleepy, it’s never comfortable to have a baby’s hand pinch you every now and them or plays with your breast in the middle of the night. When I get frustrated and he cries, I feel like a bad mom for feeling that way. At times, I feel sorry, so I give in and breast-feed him again.
I guess the reason why I haven’t completely and successfully weaned him is because I haven’t decided yet that I really want to stop breast-feeding already. Perhaps there’s still a part of me that wants to continue doing it, but I know a part of me already wants to stop. Some say it should be baby-led weaning; others say it should be mother-led. I think it should be mutual weaning. Until it becomes a mutual decision for both me and Super, then weaning will never be successful. Now I’m down to one feeding already. Hopefully before the end of the month, he’s fully weaned, and hope that decision will make both of us happy.